


carbon paper

by asteropes



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Drabble, EDI-centric, Gen, Synthesis Ending, blood mention, but not gender related!!, general mass effect spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 00:51:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2249739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asteropes/pseuds/asteropes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And  -<br/>She sucks a breath in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	carbon paper

_The night sky is only a sort of carbon paper,_

_Blueblack, with the much-poked periods of stars_

_Letting in the light, peephole after peephole—_

_A bonewhite light, like death, behind all things._

 

Insomniac, Sylvia Plath

* * *

And  -

She sucks a breath in.

* * *

 “I don’t identify with this body,” she explains, her tone sharp. “I am the Normandy, and this form. I am duality. I don’t - I don’t understand.”

* * *

 Sometimes she feels so disgustingly organic she thinks she’ll snap. Her heart is a lump of coal in her chest, and she hears it beat, and she wants to-

* * *

They’ll get the Normandy flying again.

They have to.

* * *

Food tastes rich and real but her eyes sting - (blink, so they won’t see the liquid) - and she wonders if it’s oil or saltwater or blood that spills out.

“You okay?” Jeff asks, and somewhere within her she feels the unnatural impulse to smile.

“Yes,” she says. The lie is thicker than water and tastes coppery in her mouth. They both know her spittle is pink.

* * *

Maybe - maybe, if Jeff hadn’t undone her Cerberus shackles and collar and blindfold and leash - hadn’t made her into the monster she was/is/shall be - then maybe Shepard would be alive.

Somewhere out there, they all know she’s not.

* * *

The tug on her lungs is painful, so she inhales, feeling air rush like floodwater into her lungs. She drowns in the oxygen.

* * *

She theorizes between bad jokes and repairs that they may all be immortal now.

And then she stares up at the stars, and muses, and knows the thought is a terrifying one.

**Author's Note:**

> i've been replaying the mass effect trilogy at the moment bc everyone is fab  
> and edi has quickly risen up the ranks of my absolute favourites of all time ever
> 
> and basically i chose the synthesis ending because "that's the best" (thanks for nothing catalyst) and the so called happily ever after made me very very cross  
> even in the citadel dlc there wasn't a """happy ending"""
> 
> so i chose to make it more realistic


End file.
